The army made up of geese employed by the former Sir. James in his war on Toaster Lovers. There was and still is much debate as to whether or not they are usefull, or effective soldiers, and whether James' mind has just completely gone to the alcohol. Regardless some still blame the change in migratory patterns among geese in areas where James is active on the geese's obligations by their employment in The War on Toasters. Some even go so far as to claim the geese are forced to wear shock collars that restrict their movement within certain cities though this has never been confirmed.
This Park is said to be patrolled by the Gosling Army.
The so called "fake" canadians, are the current inhabitants in what is known of to the rest of the world as "Canada". They are said to have arrived shortly before, or directly after, the imprisonment of the "real candadians" (see The RCP) who were said to origionally inhabit "Canada"
The "fake canadians" are a war like people, generally dominated by whiskey drinking women armmed with swords (they feel blades to be more intimate then guns, but those are used to), who rise in power through deadly duels, and strategic forced marriages (the men are unusually docile), through which if they are powerful enough, to defeat any challenging matriarchs, they will take over an entire family, and it's wealth. Families are considered property, and like most property the women will duel over it. Property can be taken away at anytime by anyone strong enough to do so, there is no judicial system and most "governing" forces are unconcerned with the general populace. Goverment excluding the Emporer, and clown death squad (talked about shortly) are there more for tourists and show purposes, so there is no legal recognition of ownership.
However, there are a group of people who call themselves police, having got the idea from televison, after obtaining approval by the emporer they commenced the supervison of duels where able, by way of ensuring that at least one combatant is killed, and to enforce drinking laws, requiring every person to consume at least five litres of alcohol per day.
Socially friendships are short lived often ending in the death of one person after some perceived disagreement. In "fake" canadian culture it is paramount to not be preceived as weak, and so crucial to defend with lethal violence when faced with anything that could be thought to be an insult and therefore a challenge. Marriages are more for property aquisition, and status (the marrying and dominating of a foreinger seen to be as especially status boosting), and women are allowed to aquire as many husbands as they please. However like all things if someone sees a woman too "soft" on her husbands, she is often open to attack and cristism, of course resulting in death duels.
The infrastructures, of cities are completely destroyed daily, and miraculously rebuilt, in mere minutes. The "fake" canadians being phoenominal architechts. There is not usually any use or appearence of traffic lights, as there are no traffic laws, these are however hastily put in upon the arrival of foreigners.
The cross is the national sign of whiskey, and is featured on many whiskey temples, whiskey flows from all taps instead of water (these can be rerouted to run water in the event of tourists), it should be noted "fake" canadians are immmune from any of the ill effects of alcohol.
Cars are manufactured without locks or ignition keys since there is no ownership except what you can defend, people will just take and abandon vehicles at will.
The parks are the only places where violence is not perpetrated by people, and an unwritten, and unspoken truce agreement exists, that noone has ever violated. However the unique risk of rabid lions is present. It has been rumoured that the clown death squad fed and continues to feed the once docile lions the bodies of the people they kill, effectivly training them to seek human flesh.
The clown Death Squad origionally said to be a group of rouge socio and psychopathic killers, who escaped prosecution in other countries, convinced the emporer he employed them and continues to do so. They visciously kill any who inadvertantly offends them. They have an unnerving propensity to jump out of cabinets, glove compartments, and other small places, the location of which not confined to "Canada". (see Clown Death Squad).
The "fake" canadians, imitate a reasonable democracy, when ever a tourist is near. Towns and cities are alerted to the presence of a foreinger by a complicated alert system, and then thanks to their phoenominal architechtual, and contruction skills, and where needed the quick erection of screens and sound cancellation technology, they create a "fake, fake Canada" to hide the truth about their society from the world, though the "fake" canadians are unsure of why they do this. Some say the idea to present a different image to the world is really an idea of the evil walrii.
The Mime Army, are the inept, forced military of the "Canada" the world knows. Actually members of a mime guild, they will not speak out about being forced to impersonate soldiers, because of their vow of silence, and the threat of murder at the hand of the Clown Death Squad. In cases where their voices must be heard the evil walrii use sound devices to speak for them, the emporer, and the rest of the "fake" canadaians do not know of the mime army's plight.
The whole of "Canada" is ruled by a self absorbed misogynistic wife-killing emporer, ruling by a weird truce agreement, he is allowed to murder his wives and have a castle, though he generally stays out of personal "fake" canadians' business, and they do not murder him, his duties are limited. Some say the Clown Death Squad came in just in time to prevent him from meeting his end, as most "fake" canadians are not looking to anger the Clown Death Squad.
The Fake Canadian Culture is a weird one.
A political movement. The name The Toaster Revloution,came about for reasons unclear. What ever the reason the use of toasters, or rather the "correct" use of toasters has played a large part in splitting people on the issue. There are murmers of an underground war on the issue, the opposition headed by a man formerly known as Sir. James and now just as James, and the Toaster Revolution rumoured to be headed by various people through out history.
It is debated by some that James stole the name from the actual Toaster Lovers in Guelph (who actually did love toasters because women shunned them), and fabricated the entire revolution as a cover to hide some nefarious deeds of his own, the nature and origion of which noone can guess. Though certain conspiracy theorists, have tied it all in with a group of evil walrus people, who are said to live under the ground somewhere in the general area of Canada, and the northern United States, whom they believe to be the real governing force behind those countries as well as many others. The "evil walrii" as they call them are said to be coming to a war with the "Vikings under Norway" (similar idea as with the evil walruses but the walruses rely more on technology, and are walruses), in which the fate of human kind will be decided (eigther way human's reign would theoretically come to an end, it would merely be a question of complete annihilation or slavery).
Many lives were lost in the Toaster Revolution.
The proclaimed enemies of Sir. James, in his war on the Toaster Revoltution. Called Toaster Lover more for their political agendas than for an actual propensity to physically love toasters.... though some have made a motion that it should be legal for a person to enter into matrimony with a toaster.
"I'll get ye, ye toaster lover" (direct Sir James qoute)
The Emperor of Canada is a misogynitic wife-killing, leader relatively unconcerned with the goings on inside of the violent riotous matriarchal lands of what is known of as "Canada".
It is said that he was the son of the last Emperor who built a castle in what is falsely known of as Ottawa or "Otterwa", this last Emperor being COMPLETELY oblivious and unknown to the rest of "Canada". It was said the previous Emperor was suffering from some form of schizophrenic disorder, and and may or may not have committed various violent crimes against women, starting with matricide. Noone has bothered to trace his lineage, and it is unknown who his father or grandparents were, or where he really came from.
The public finally became aware of their Emperor when he declared war on what is falsely known of as the Northwest Territories. At this time he called for all able bodied men to take up arms, to which the women of "Canada" picked up their own arms in outrage over the blatant disregard for their practice of prohibiting men from picking up weapons or moving independently.
The Emporer was, it is said intensly shocked at the ferocious matriarchal force, having had no idea of the nature of the society which he ruled. He had to retreat ironically into the very lands he had declared war on.
He was allowed a small house there and the women of the southerm area of "Canada" were content that he remain out of their lands if indeed they didn't forget about him all together for the next two months, life in "Canada" being a constant struggle to maintain wealth, status, and viability.
The people in what is known of as the Northwest Territories were largely still entirely unaware of the presence of the Emperor, except vague rumors that had it that it was merely a lame rabid dog that escaped from a medical testing facility, that probably was shot, or feeding off of people in the woods.
It was during the Emperors two month excile to what is known of as the Northwest Territories, that he began planning for a more involved government, he took, and murdered two wives during this period, and was chased out of five towns and near fatally wounded. Twice it was thought that the "defective man", as he was soon called, must have just been eaten by a rabid dog in the woods, as he would lie low for several days after being chased from a town.
It was at the end of the two months that he was approached by the Clown Death Squad who claimed to be his most loyal citizens, and promised to help him back into his castle, which was currently being used as a printing press, in between fires, and a medical testing facility trying to find a cure for rabies.
During the Emperor's excile, several rabies infected dogs escaped and disappeared, and it was discovered, and then forgotten, the evidence destroyed in a fire, that many people in "Canada" had an immunity to rabies due to frequent and long term exposure. Some were also symptomless carriers of the disease. To prevent symptoms, it was said you should drink whiskey constantly, then again it was always said to be wise to drink whiskey constantly. It was law to drink whiskey constantly.
The Emperor with the help of the Clown Death Squad took over his castle again, and an uneasy truce ensued between the emperor and the people.
Who is The Emperor of Canada? Canada doesn't have an Emperor!!!!!
The band of sociopathic, and psychopathic killers, located primarily in what is called "Canada" that are said to have escaped persecuton in other countries. Some time in the mid nineteen sixties they apparently convinced the emperor of "canada" that he had hired them and ordered them to kill anyone who violated his will. They continue to inform the emporer when someone has in fact done this, and what his will is at any given time. Some have cited it is very fortunate the clown death squad have few real political agendas.
Origionally the death squad did not dress up as clowns, it was shortly after their founding that they were said to have adopted the idea as part of a plan to improve public relations. Others say this is ridiculous as they "can hardly be said to be concerned with public feeling", and that the death squad merely didn't want to admit they just liked to dress as clowns.
Some also say the incongrous emperor owes his life, to the Clown Death Squad. As the matriarchal warriors of "Canada" would surely have killed him by now.
The Clown Death Squad are a squad with out actually loyalty, and many believe they are often in the employ of the evil walrii, who live underneath "canada", and possibly the northern united States (their subversive reign is said to be steadily growing) in wait of their rise to take over the world. The evil walrii said to be responsible for the entire sham of the "fake, fake Canada" known to the rest of the world, and the imprisonment of the "real" canadians (The RCP), are also said to order the Clown Death Squad to kill anyone who even slightly betrays the truth about the goings on, in "Canada", as well as the killing of anyone who learns to much of their evil plots. It is said that the former Sir. James "war on Toasters", or "war on the toaster revoltion" is really all just a front, for a true cause wrapped somewhere up in the truth about "Canada", the evil walrii, and the vikings under norway, but he had to disguise it because his knowledge could be dangerous to him and his "troops". Of course it has been theorized that everything the former Sir. James does, could mean something other than what he says, whether it be the effects of long term alcohol abuse, or conspiracies involving evil walrii. However one might note that dispite behaviour that normally would get a person killed the former Sir. James, and his cause remains alive and operating.
Ahhhhh it's the Clown Death Squad!(followed by gutteral, gurgley dieing sounds)
The Origional Toaster Lover's Of Guelph.
A group of women shunned, men, located in Guelph, that some say the former Sir James stole the name of his enemy revolutionaries from. This group who call them selves
Otlog for short have long been outraged at James' behaviour, claiming he shunned and disgraced his real father, whom they claim was Otlog's deceased founder, and the only member of Otlog to ever have had relations with a real woman.
James denies any knowleage of such a group, but says that if they love toasters they are of course his enemy. This further outraged the group who claim if they had the resources would indeed rise up to take James and his armies down. Some of their members try frequently and ineffectually to thwart and or capture James, and his comrades.
However on August 17th 2007, they almost suceeded by poisoning James' drink at a party, causing temporary amnesia and inability to articulate, spiralling into the events that led to his de-knighting.
After a brief retreat into terrified hiding the Otlog has been heard bragging, out of James' arms reach, anyway.
Also it is good to note, that unlike the possibly fictional Toaster Lovers of James' rantings in his war on the Toaster Revolution, these toaster lovers actually have relations with toasters.
The Otlog only wishes for two things: to marry toasters, and to get James killed.