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1 definition by Jack the Pink MacHummmberrgerrer

 
1.
The way too long and somewhat boring winter holiday that really isn't anything other than a weak attempt to apply the least amount of tincture to our children's wounds for not being allowed a Santa Claus at that fercocktenah time of year, comprising the period of the most intense fear mongering and when really close minded and insecure xenophobics worry a kid might for just one day, December 25, rather just be another American kid and get a Master Replica light saber and some weird red and white striped candy from a fat old white guy dressed in red who jets around the world in a reindeer driven sielgh. Oy vey!
"Ok, so what's that about the lump of coal I got for Hanukkah last year?" or "Isn't it enough you cut part of my special friend off?" or "So instead of Toys and elves and magic, all I get to celebrate Hanukkah by having to eat greesy latkes and light candles every single night (8) nights in a row?" or And all this just so my parents can quietly think; "Hey, Busta, aren't we doing a good job making Seth feel better about Santa not visiting with those really pretty Hanukkah cookies and greesy latkes and that really cool story about the Greeks and how Jews found oil to light their candles for a week and a day?" or "I am going to marry that cute gentile Mom and Dad so I can have an excuse to celebrate the other really cool celebration. Hey, admit it, for us kids anyway, Hanukkah can't light a candle to Santa's Toy Time."
by Jack the Pink MacHummmberrgerrer September 13, 2006