1. An evil company with giant snakes for employee's disguised like humans, and they will hit the standby button on the world forcing everyone to stop except for them, and they will but rape you.
2. Comcast also stole Santa's weather machine and are using it to throw the world off balance.
1. You are sitting playing gears of war when you suddenly lag out, and have some sort of comcast service
1b. When you get anal raped by an Evil company.
2. See Global Warming.