1. Scornful, guileful, and otherwise inappropriate
techniques used by top modern journihilists such as Katie "Jumbotron colonoscopy" Couric, Dan "Bushgate" Rather, and Perez Hilton
to create "news stories" that will infotain
their audiences and chip away at national decency.
hiding out in the bushes of rape victims to "scoop" their competitors, revealing allied war plans on national television, and denouncing anything that does not involve fostering national ignominy
Note: "News stories" is in quotes
because while journihilists are taught things
such as the "I believe in journalism" creed as freshman, they quickly turn on the principles of objectivity and fairness, lest
they be marginalized
by their peers.
2. A way to shield the midstream media's preferred political candidates
from criticism by calling opponents
"racist" (see 'Journolist') or deriding ordinary citizens (see 'Anderson Pooper').
1. Journalist: "Can your football team win the SEC again?"
Tim Tebow: "Uh, maybe."
Press pool: "Rabble rabble rabble
Journalist: "Tim Tebow, are you a virgin?"
Tim Tebow: "Yes, I am."
Press pool: (Awkward silence)
2. KOMU: "Take off that flag pin if you want to report here."
Intern: "But they just
destroyed the twin towers and flew a plane into the Pentagon."
KOMU: "Gotcha journalism. We gotta
keep our image."