2 definitions by Hev

Top Definition
A device used to auto-masturbate an individual to climax. A combination of the words wanking - to masturbate, and machine - an automated device.

Usually describing a device for male use, wanking machines have been in use since the late second century BC. Archimedes} is thought to have designed a water-powered machine which he used to pleasure himself. Later examples have been found in medieval Arabia, where Suliman the Magnificent ownde one of the first horse-powered devices on record.

With the coming of the
Industrial Revolution] the Wanking Machine became a far more powerful contraption. Stevenson designed a steam-powered device that could auto-masturbate several gentlemen at one time. Emily Pankurst struck a blow for womens rights when she had the first electric dildo installed in her home. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was involved in a near disaster when the great Wanking Machine at Kew Gardens exploded and killed several users and injuring many bystanders. In modern times Wanking Machines have become smaller and more reliable, making use of advanced electronics to control rythym, pace, roll and grip.
Would you like to come round to my house next Saturday and try out my new Wanking Machine? It has 3 speed settings and an auto-wipe facility!
by Hev March 02, 2007
The practice of a group of 3 or more men lined up behind one another, where each man is being buggered from behind whilst simultaneously buggering the man in front. The phrase is thought to have come in to usage when such homosexual practices were widespread in monasteries in the early Tudor period. The practice was rumoured to be part of a sordid initiation ceremony where novice monks would take the front of the Abbots Chain and be forced to felate the Abbot as he stood on a ceremonial footstool. Long held to be one of the minor reasons Henry VIII began to sack many monasteries during his reign, after he was not invited to a mass Abbots Chain in Westmister Abbey organised by the Archbishop of Canterbury. The practice is quite common in certain specialist clubs in London, particularly in the Muswell Hill area.
If you had Graham Norton being buggered by Dale Winton who in turn was being entered by George Michael, whose anus was being pentrated by Michael Barrymore, who himself was having his bottom pounded by Rupert Everett, you would be witnessing what is known as an Abbots Chain.
by Hev September 27, 2006

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