1. A sheet or two of bog roll
placed carefully so as to uniformly cover the surface of the water in the bowl of a toilet prior to dropping the kids off
. Usually employed by those who do not enjoy the sudden cold, wet sensation on their ringpiece
following displacement of water by a free-falling, splash-inducing turd
2. Also used when a desperate bogward-rush
to a public convenience results in the trousers coming down at the same time the turtle's head
begins to appear and the discovery is made that some bastard left nessie
waiting for you. Mitigates against the prospect that splashback
will include someone elses faecal matter or piss
. It is considered wise to favour more sheets in this scenario.
1. I had an absolute monster on the way and it was a cold morning so I opted for some anti-splash paper.
2. There was no holding it back, I had already locked the door and me kecks
were round me ankles when I noticed a previous signature loitering in the pan. Anti-splash paper was the only way to keep it personal.
A kingsize Rizla paper.
If it's gonna be for sharing I'll need a king skin.
Emergency dash for the loo, frequently induced by the arrival of the turtle's head
The action of someone who has been clenching all the way home on the bus having failed to drop the kids off
before leaving work.
Out of the way Johnny, Daddy won't stop his bogward-rush for anyone.
The appearance of a toilet
following a particularly concerted evacuation of the bowels, usually induced by prior consumption of excessively large quantities of meat and a suitable binder (e.g. bread, or any vegetable that does not routinely induce the squits
, such as the potato).
Fetch me a sharp stick son, the flush hasn't worked and I've left it looking like an umbrella stand.
Q: You got the flapparatus?
A: Almost; I spilled my beer and ruined the skins.
Teacher: You seem to be rather busy with something that you don't want anyone else to see. Come on, if it is more interesting than what is on the board you must share it with the class.
Pupil: Chill mate, I'm just flapping and it aint even a king skin