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7 definitions by Hans Blix

 
1.
1) Largest nation in land area, has a population 140 million, steadily declining since collapse of USSR
2) Capital Moscow is Europe's largest city with 13 million people, frequently ranks as 2nd most expensive city after Tokyo
3) Is mostly a democracy on paper only
4) US dollars and Euros are used just as much as rubles
5) Owner of the world's largest stockpile of tactical and strategic nuclear weapons
6) Has a very safe and successful space program
7) Struggles to maintain a vast military, while dealing with domestic terrorism daily
8) Has a thouroughly obscene obsession with German sedans
9) Average worker makes only $200 a month
10) Is incredibly beautiful in the winter
When in Moscow, watch out for the government (and not-so-government) luxobarges that like to drive on the opposite side of the road at triple digit speeds. Sphincter clenchingly terrifying, and makes Russian roulette look like a kindergarten game.
by Hans Blix August 28, 2005
2182 575
 
2.
1) A beautiful country on the Iberian peninsula in southwestern Europe, capital is Madrid
2) Gets very hot, but there's no humidity
3) It mostly composed of red clay
4) Builds SEAT cars, which are cheap but fun
5) Has an good economy, still partially paralyzed by Franco's former dictatorship
6) Has gypsies who live in caves furnished with TVs, fridges, etc
7) Sells beer in McDonalds
8) Has awesome food and wine, making one realize the necessity of a siesta.
9) Is pretty cheap to travel about
10) Running with the bulls is for experienced locals and tourist yuppie jocks only
Eat a lot while in Spain, because you will never enjoy food this good ever in your life.
by Hans Blix August 28, 2005
679 318
 
3.
A new MTV show that documents nouveaux riche girls' 16th birthdays, with parties costing upwards of $300,000. A truly staggerring display of bad taste, eyewateringly expensive but ultimately pointless birthday celebrations, and ruined kids. Pathetically docile parents come standard, B-list rock band a $60,000 option. Seeing My Super Sweet Sixteen can be best compared to witnessing a freight train hitting a bus full of children or watching a suicide bombing unfold.
If these girls were in the Bitch Olympics, they'd be disqualified for bad sportsmanship.
by Hans Blix August 28, 2005
323 26
 
4.
Czech automaker, now part of Volkswagen Auto Group. Has been building cars for over a hundred years. Despite poor build quality during latter half of the 20th century, has been transformed by VW AG into the producer of some of the most reliable cars in the world, with an excellent dealer network to match. Currently offers the Fabia, Octavia, and Superb, with many choices of body styles and engines. Despite being criticized for staid design, which has closely resembled VW and SEAT cars, Skoda has a very progressive development team that is not afraid to try radical things. Offers very economical transport to those with a limited budget, and magnificent automobiles to those who have the money to shop elsewhere if they so desired. Unbeatable combination of price and quality will contribute to its growth and success over the next hundred years.
The Phaeton is about as popular as the Skoda Superb, but the latter is much braver statement.
by Hans Blix August 28, 2005
107 21
 
5.
Something cool, nifty, or keen.
That scooter you have sure is neat-o.
by hans blix September 21, 2003
73 12
 
6.
The largest and most exclusive "outside" tuner of Mercedes-Benz automobiles, second in volume only to in-house AMG tuning arm. Established in 1977 by Bodo Buschmann in Bottrop, Germany. The tuning operation has since grown to convert MCC Smart, Maybach, and Chrysler (sold under StarTech badge) automobiles. Two-time holder of the World's Fastest Production Saloon title, with the W210 and W211 EV12 sedans. Enjoys a cult following among owners and automotive cognoscenti alike. A household name in Germany and Russia. Largest available displacement: 7.3 litre V12, available for W140 S-class sedans. Most expensive offerings: Mercedes-Benz SLR, Maybach 57. Most opulent offering: BRABUS Business Sedan based on stretched W220 chassis. Tuning program can include interior alterations made to-order, limited only by customer's imagination. Will tune Mercedes-Benz cars of almost any vintage.
To stay online even outside the car the BRABUS communication specialists integrated an IBM X-series notebook into an electrically operated drawer in the trunk.
by Hans Blix August 23, 2005
60 2
 
7.
Formerly a revered marque that has been continuously ruined by General Motors for over 90 years, mostly through badge engineering, marketing neglect, and a complete lack of imagination. Will never escape the stigma of being an old fart's transportation around a stagnating Florida retirement community. Its decline escalated during the 80s as the General tried to make it look like a European brand (?!?) through hare-brained marketing exercises that ultimately served to remove any remaining shred of credibility the brand possessed. Now shares platforms with virtually every mid-size and large vehicle in the GM lineup, and has been reduced to swapping badges with desirable premium SUVs like the Pontiac Asstek.
Tiger Woods sponsorship a bizarre way to attract young(er) buyers who were not even aware of Buick's continued existance. Latest sedan takes name from French Canadians' euphemism for masturbation. In 20 years will go the way of Oldsmobile, around the same time as GM managed Saab will cease to exist as a brand, made redundant by Cadillac's growing share of the market.
So why exactly does GM have two luxury nameplates for the North American market, Buick and Cadillac?
by Hans Blix August 28, 2005
27 77