Possibly the lamest band in existence. Their entire catalogue is nearly a carbon copy of a short phase Radiohead went through before moving onto other things like people with actual artistic talent tend to do. Coldplay's lyrics are horridly generic, and their lead singer (Chris Martin) likes to wallow in his own sadness and deliver all his lines as if he's about to start crying at any second like a giant doucher.
Coldplay fans often claim to like the band on the grounds that their lyrics are really provocative and profound. It is best to avoid all interaction with these people, as their semi-retardation has been proven to be contagious. They can be identified by the shit stains around their eyes, nose, and mouth due to them habitually burying their heads in their own, and each other's, anuses
Coldplay fan: Dude WTF!? I passed off these Coldplay lyrics as my own work for this poetry assignment in English, didn't get caught, and STILL got a D!! Plus now the short bus shows up at my house every day before school to pick me up! FML!
Person with any musical knowledge whatsoever: Just stay at least 10 feet away from me dude.
12-year-old girl: Hey Chris Martin, thanks for coming over to have sex with me.
Chris Martin: Are you kidding? I like men. I just need your diary to write 12 new songs for the next Coldplay album.