6 definitions by Flick507

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It has the largest city proper population in the state of Florida, but is somehow not as well known as Miami, Tampa, Orlando, or even Tallahassee. It is a very large city with absolutely nothing special about it, and there is absolutely no reason to go there ever.

It has a high crime rate and a beach (something very hard to come by in Florida). Oh yeah, they also have the most forgettable team in the NFL. The architecture is also underwhelming. It is not known for any good universities museums or culture. Jacksonville personified would be that guy at the office that you for got existed years ago even though he sits 3 desks from you.
Person 1: Hey, let's go to Jacksonville for vacation.

Person 2: Jacksonville NC?

1: No...

2. Oregon?

1. No...

2. Mississippi?

1. NO, that is JACKSON ... I meant Florida.

2. You mean like Disney World?

1. No.

2. Is that close to Miami Beach?

1. No.

2. How about no.

1. Ok.
by Flick507 May 07, 2011

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A U.S. state that neighbors the relative economic giants of Florida, Georgia, and Tennessee, as well as fellow failure state, Mississippi.

The state has two main football teams that matter to nobody outside of the state. These are not real football teams, they are college ones. NFL teams are generally reserved for states with actual cities. Ironically, many Auburn/Alabama fans did not graduate high school, and view college students as "queers".

The native dress is Overalls (no shirt) for men, and oversized faded Looney Tunes t-shirts and purple sweatpants for women. The native cuisine is Skoal and Makers Mark.

They typically love to talk about "Southern Hospitality", and it is generally true... unless you are gay or not Baptist. In this case, you're better off going to more hospitable places like Beirut or Haiti.

Politically, the state is very conservative. It went for McCain/Palin in 2008, because Jesus was not on the ballot that year. They approved a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage and civil unions in 2006 with 81 percent of the population voting to preserve "traditional marriage" in the state. Traditional marriage in Alabama is defined as a union between one man and his sister/pretty female cousin.

The fertility rate in Alabama is one of the highest in the third world. Most common names for children are Cooter, Cletus, and Skeeter for boys. For girls the most common names are Jolene, Angel, and Starla.
Bill: I am from Alabama.

Ted: I'm sorry.
by Flick507 May 08, 2011

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Missouri is a planet onto its own. It doesn't know if it is midwestern or southern, and nobody from either region really cares about them. Missouri does have many diverse regions.

St. Louis: Has an arch... this was on their state quarter, and on the cover of every tourist pamphlet that highlights the state. You would think that seeing a big arch that is best viewed on the Illinois side of the Mississippi River is the most exciting thing about Missouri, and you would be right.

Kansas City: This city is known for absolutely nothing to the general U.S. population. Yes Kansas City people talk about having jazz and bbq, but other cities have these too. Texas has better bbq and New Orleans has better jazz... I think more people actually associate Utah with Jazz than KC.

Branson-Springfield-Bumblefuck: The G rated version of Las Vegas, it is without everything that makes Vegas awesome. You would probably only have fun there if you are under 6, over 80, or waiting for the rapture.

Jefferson City: This is the capital of MO. There are no interstate highways leading to it (seriously, how does that happen?), and it was just discovered to be a real place in 2004.

The Bootheel: Ever wonder what that geographical oddity is in the southeast corner of the state? Neither did I, but it is called the "bootheel". No need to visit this area, just visit the website “People of Wal-Mart” if you are really curious about what this place is like.

Rest of Missouri: Farms.
Bill: Hey let's go to Missouri on vacation.

Ted: Where would we go?

Bill: The arch!

Ted: That would take an hour of our time, what else would we do?

Bill: Shit, I dunno... never mind, let's go to Illinois instead.
by Flick507 May 08, 2011

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A state that is somehow more populated than Minnesota, but has about 100 times less to offer the world. They also have a total douchebag as a governor who only answers to his corporate overlords. I really feel bad for the people that got screwed by his actions. You are welcome to move to Illinois, where human beings are actually valued.

They have an NFL team in a town that really has no business having one (hey, let's give one to every mediocre small-sized town while we are at it). Their largest city is a suburb of Chicago. The state is overshadowed by such regional "power-players" as Indiana and Michigan.

Yes, I am aware that it has beer and fireworks. Big fuckin deal... so does every state in the U.S. South, and that is the nation's anus. Beer an Fireworks are not a measure of excellence.

Wisconsin does have some good things though. Their school system was one of the best in the country, but I am sure Scott Walker will have none of that in the future. Madison is kind of pretty, and cheese curds cannot be beat.
Bill: Hey let's go to Wisconsin

Ted: Cool, what are we going to do there?

Bill: um... they have beer and fireworks.

Ted: Safeway has beer too.

Bill: Yes... that is true.

Ted: ...and wtf are we going to do with fireworks? Besides there are women in THIS state that DON'T have facial hair... let's go set off some of them.

Bill: True... fuck Wisconsin.
by Flick507 May 08, 2011

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Hamburger chain in California that everyone in that state claims is the best burger chain in the world. In reality, it is pretty average. It is not 'bad', but it is not as good as Jack-in-the-Box.
Bill: Hey, there is an In-n-Out burger here.

Ted: Yeah, lets ask them where the nearest Jack-in-the-Box is.
by Flick507 May 08, 2011

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1. God's gift to himself, it is a restaurant chain on the west coast. Its fries are made out of 100% pure awesome and its burgers are an orgasm between two buns. They serve everything, and they do it well.

They had an E. Coli thing in 1993, which people STILL talk about when Jack In The Box is mentioned. Seriously people, it was almost two decades ago and JITB has not had any problems since. It is probably the SAFEST place to eat now. It's time to start opening them up out east again (they closed a lot of them after 1993). I would never eat McDonald's cow turd burgers again.

2. Children's toy... whatever.
Bill: Dude, I got you jack in the box.

Ted: No way! I love that place. What kind of burger did you get me?

Bill: I got you the toy *lol*

Ted: *punches Bill in the face*
by Flick507 May 08, 2011

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