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8 definitions by Fecesboy

 
1.
A foul retail beastie that manifests itself as an individual who waits well beyond any rational deadline to begin a MASSIVE project and then proceeds to make everyone in the service industry who is within their sphere of influence subservient to the process of completing the project on time. Generally supercedes the needs of the less severe but equally disturbing "Procrastidons" who roam in vast aimless herds intent on bothering various retail clerks with super-innocuous pseudo-questions and random requests, most of which are completely irrelevant to the task at hand but are invoked nonetheless.
Kinkos wonk:"May I help you?"
Procrastidon 1: "Hi, yes I need..."
Procrastidon 2: "Wait, Me. I always go first..."
Procrastidon 3: "I gotta have this 10 minutes ago yesterday. Step aside."
Procrastidon 4:" It says 'copies' on the sign out front. Do you wash cars? Do you like your job?"
Procrastisaurus:"OUTTA THE WAY! THIS IS A MATTER OF UNMATCHED URGENCY! NOW MOVE IT!"
Kinkos wonk: "Sir, this person was here before y..."
Procrastisaurus:"YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF THE MAGNITUDE OF URGENCY ATTACHED TO THIS PROJECT! CLEAR THE WAY YOU LITTLE BASTARDS!!!"
Kinkos wonk:" I have to go take a shit..."
Procrastisaurus:"AAAAARRRGHHHHHH!!!! BOOM!!!"
Procrastidon 1: " Oh cool...his head blew up."
Procrastidon 4:"Can I...like... get that car wash now but without the car cuz...like... that loud guy got brains all over my fries n' stuff and I can't eat 'em now. Can I get another order of fries instead? Where am I?
by Fecesboy August 08, 2004
 
2.
After you dump your spunk and wait a little while your one-eyed warrior sometimes gets it's eye stuck shut and when you hang a rat you piss in two directions at once, neither of which was your primary target. Usually involves a leg or a favorite shoe. If it involves a face you are either R. Kelly or fucked up or both...
"No-o-o-o, a doberman didn't hump my leg. I went splitpissin' after yankin' my yoda to the latest edition of FHM. There's a couple of pages in there ain't nobody ever gonna yank apart..."
by Fecesboy May 31, 2004
 
3.
Personifying the less mentally proactive traits found on the extreme low end of the human genetic bell curve.
"Dude was rockin the tard hardcore. Yeah, stagediving rulez, but it helps if you actually have an audience. I ain't never seen an ass with teeth before but they say they can operate."
by Fecesboy June 01, 2004
 
4.
The standard third stage of a publicity generating media cycle.
The first stage is PREHAB (see Olsen twins)whereby complete ignorance of the subject of sex, drugs, and rock n'roll is claimed so as to maintain a fan base/revenue stream. This is concurrent with actual abuse of the aforementioned vices.
Stage two is, of course, actual REHAB. This is also concurrent with actual abuse of said vices. Functions to obtain sympathy from mass audience and to increase overall revenue stream.
Lastly, DEHAB is executed whereby continued abuse of vices is admitted openly, setting the stage for a return to step one by way of finding religion,etc. This cycle continues until premature death due to "inconclusive results".
Los Angeles. Yeah...that's right. ALL of L.A. It's mandatory.
by Fecesboy August 01, 2004
 
5.
A grotesque mass of repugnantly unidentifiable material.
Reddish-yellow crusties you find behind pull-chain toilets in 75 year-old gas stations.

Stained and tattered remnants of toilet paper stuck to the bottom of someone's shoes after falling out of their underwear following 3 days of blocking liquid shit from leaking out of their putrid ass due to alcohol and burrito abuse.

That white shit that some people get in the corner of their mouths when they are yelling at their kids while drinking beer and eating pork brains.
by Fecesboy August 02, 2004
 
6.
Same thing as "wedding tackle".
"Pumps and a bump" causes Rumpus Pump spunk dump. Beeeeeyatchhhh...
by Fecesboy May 24, 2004
 
7.
"Bulbtocks" can also be used as an identifier to label excretory body parts (See primary definition) that have exceeded their normal operating parameters to such a degree that possible health hazards may result.
If doing an after-crap cleanup involves 4 packages of kitty-litter, a bottle of bleach, a wire brush, and a call to a wallpaper contractor, then you may then refer to your ass as a "Bulbtock". God help you and your bathroom...
by Fecesboy August 23, 2004