1 definition by Emily Spence

Top Definition
Ned
Non-Educated Delinquant
Trad. Scottish, although I'm sure they'll have penetrated other parts of the world by now. Contrary to popular belief, they are NOT only found in Glasgow, although that's where they are most common. I live in Edinburgh and ewe have plenty of them, yay. There are two forms - Male, known as a Ned, and Female, known as a Ned/ette.

Dress
Both sexes of Neds wear tracksuit bottoms, a cheap version of an expensive brand bought at the local market. These can be any bright colour, but normally white. These in turn are tucked into white socks, with brand name trainers. Hoodie or shell suit worn on top. Females wear about 10 tacky "gold" (that turns green) rings on each hand at an average count, along with large gold earrings. Normally also hair in a ponytail so tight it looks as if the scalp should be pulled off. Males tend to have a shaved head, although not always. NEVER HAVE LONG HAIR. Normally the head is covered by a burberry cap anyway. Always carrying a knife, mobile phone which they'll have nicked from somewhere, fags, and generally some cheap booze.
Nedettes wear the absolute minimum of clothing, but also with the tacky gold jewellery. Also known as a slut.
p.s they also wear rockports (big clunky boots).

Pastimes
Standing on street corners/outside a chippy in a large group (crew) normally of about 20, although this can vary. They shout abuse at random people who walk past (I take the long route home at night!) and whether the person responds or not, will then chase them and "knife" the poor person. They spend the rest of the time sticking the middle finger up at random people and buses, tring to look "pure shcmental" (cool), drinking cheap cider at £1.50 a 2 litre bottle, smoking, stealing from people, and getting pregnant from the age of 12.

Other Information
They hate anyone who is not a ned, but esp. punks and goths.
They live in council houses with mothers that are wasters even more than themselves. If the father is still there (very occasionally) he's probably an alcoholic who spends all day watching football. Live off the dole. They generally end up in a Young Offenders Institute before most kids know what that is. The continued influence in their lives is that of their Parole Officer, whom they probably see from the age of two.
Females of the species are bright orange from the three inch layer of cheap foundation that they plaster on. They are either very fat or very thin. Males are generally quite thin, although the occasional fat one does creep up. Every second word is either
a)a swearword
b)a word which is meant to be offensive but you can't quite make out what it is
They never speak in proper English. No-one can understand them except their fellow neds. They skive from school until they either have no schools left to be thrown out of, or until they can legally leave and let the rest of us have some peace. They then get a grant to go to beauty schoola dn leave their numerous kids in a creche, or go stand in the dole queue.
I don't think it needs to be said that they all go to public high schools and make life miserable for the rest of us.

Advice
If you ever come across a gang of them, RUN. And cross your fingers. If they catch you, have fun looking after the stab wounds. If you find one on his/her own, they will proabably run from you, as they're all complete cowards without backup, alcohol, and a knife. :)
"Yer like, a pure schmental bam an a' that. Eh, whut ya doin wi ma burd ya ******* *******. Ye wantin a fite aboot that?? Aye, wul come oan then, ah'll pure smash ye an that..." I'm sure you get the idea.

TRANSLATION
You're an idiot. What're you doing with my girlfriend you ******* *******. D'you want a fight about that?? Well, come on then, I'll beat you!"

SAVE AN INNOCENT, KILL A NED!!!!!
by Emily Spence November 12, 2006

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