A mentally retarded Shit Stained Schumacher that is my great uncle. We call him SNUF (Special Needs Uncle Fred). He is the legend that supplies us with our SNUF Bags with 20 packets of lovely Hill Biscuits in each one. When there is a beeping noise that is really getting on his nerves, he will decribe it as "BANG, BANG, BANG!" while using the F word excessively. He has an unbeleivably high amount of certain household objects such as: 84 bog rolls, 13 bags of sugar, 100 yellow dusters for drying the pots and for his cap, 1100 tea bags, 800 weetabix, and 100 packets of Hill biscuits.
Lets look in the SNUF Bags, woohoo! A bag of crisps! And, ahhh, only 20 packets of Hill Biscuits. Why Willo, WHY?????
A place many feel sorry for because it repeatedly gets filled with Hill Biscuits by Hooligans. These Hooligans also tend to dump on the shitty Hill Biscuits and not flush.
DAD: What have you been doing lately?
MONK: Well, there were too many Hill Biscuits in the SNUF Bag so I bogged em in the Asda toilets and shat on em.
The amazing ability of Pork Scotch's to bore you to bloody death just by saying "hello" to you. If he ever sees that you are in his boring presence you must escape it immediately because if the boring, gay twat so much as looks you in the eye, you will drop to the floor and fall into a deep sleep. He has entered many talent shows and the reason he didn't win was because he knocked out all the judges when he got on the stage and said "Hello there I'm Max" while wearing his shades that make him look important. He thinks he knocks all the ladies out because he's 'drop dead gorgeous'.
Pork Scotch: Hello Alex.
Me: Please don't use the Pork Scotch Talent on me!
Pork Scotch: What Talent? I don't recall any Tal...
Me (snoring): snaaaaaagggghhhhh, wwwwhhhoooooo.
A disgusting nig-nog disease given to many innocent people by Pork Scotch after he brought it back from his holiday to South Africa. "Me no pay for cure mon."
Monk: Pork Scotch gave us that virus because i caught it at yours and he just got back from a nogger country.
Mick: You're probably right, it was a case of the Pork Scotch Flu. Ugly, old BASTARD!
Abreviated to PS2. A second man that has a Pork Scotch but is in complete contrast to the original Pork Scotch. He is actually a really nice bloke that you can relate to and be friends with. Pork Scotch is a boring, fat old security guard that believes he is supreme enough place a cone where he parks his shitty old van with an odd number of windows. PS2 also has a white van with normal van windows that is much cleaner than Pork Scoth's. He will join Pork Scotch at his several barbeques and has a son we call PSP. Pork Scotch 2's real name is Jim. The 2 Pork Scotch's rooms are right next to each other in the same flats building. They each wear different hats, Pork Scotch has a gay buffalo hat and Pork Scotch 2 has a cap.
Me: A up Jim. What are you gonna do today?
Pork Scotch 2: I'm gonna go with Ant and my Mum to town and watch TV with them, mate.
Me: Ok, what about you Harry?
Pork Scotch: I'm gonna go to the pub to watch Arsenal lose and then eat some garlic bread with Goofy Granny.
A silly old woman with rabbit teeth that wears boring clothes and always shouts at her husband for getting more birthday cards then her. When we go and visit grandad Payter, Thurza doesn't sit at the table for dinner and it's just me, dad and grandad Payter that sit there even though there's four seats. We think he has told her that she's not family so she doesn't sit at the table when we're there. When they come to pick me and dad up she's always in the car when it's only a five minute journey. She wont say a word to you until, "Dinners on the table." She keeps getting told off by Payter for spilling food all over the table cloth while dishing our dinner out. The time she will most likely yell "PAYTER!!!" is when he talks about blacks and refers to them as "Wogs."
Mrs Rabbit: I'll come along for the ride Payter.
Payter: You don't have to bother Thurza.
Mrs Rabbit: I said! I'll come along! A for the ride PAYTER!
A small selection of food consumed by Noggers. This menu consists of:
Neither of these will be eaten without each other on a nog plate.
Nog: Me Hhwanta Hhhrrrice and Peeeaaa.
Waitor: Yes Mr. Ape. Back in a second.
Waitor (Back from the kitchen): Here you are sir.
Nog: Hhhhhwere's da resta me peeeeeeeeaaaaaaaa!
Waitor: I just gave it you. You asked for rice and pea, Not rice and peeeaaas.
Nog: Me gotta me hhhhrice, now me wanta me peeeeeeaaaaaa, mon!
Waitor: That is a pea.
Nog: What about me fried Chickon, Mon?!
Waitor: Your what?
Nog: Me canta have da hrice and peeaa widout da fried chickon!!!
Waitor: This is a menu, not a Nogger Menu!