9 definitions by Dr. Josephus

Top Definition
n.: a private diary kept by a swinging couple. The diary maintains partner names, dates, and locations as well as brief descriptions of explicit sexual encounters with anonymous partners. The entries may also include "likes" and "dislikes" of certain prospective partners, in order to gain a competitive edge on the group at future swing parties.
"Melanie and I read one of our swing reports from the 2005 fiscal year...and you would not believe how much we spent on anal-related costs and mergers!"
by Dr. Josephus October 23, 2008
n. -an alcoholic beverage secretly mixed in the back rooms of fine restaurants for the exclusive purpose of revenge upon a wicked customer.

When a nasty customer orders a Bloody Mary- the waiter or waitress chews on a rotten tomatoe until it is soggy, spits out the contents into a bowl filled with minced parmesan cheese, olives, and bell peppers, mixes the contents of the bowl, and redeposit the final mixture into what appears to be a normal Bloody Mary.

This drink is then served to the customer who often, but not always, gags and vomits instantly, thereby assuming the role of the dinner-table idiot.
"Oh man, that asshole at table 5 just ordered a fourth round of Bloody Mary's!"

"Ask Kevin if he has any rotten tomatoes out in the trash bin..."

"Oh, of course!....this fucker's getting a Tomatoe Terry for lunch! Thanks Carlito!"
by Dr. Josephus February 11, 2009
n.: a newspaper or similar medium, rolled tight and fashionably stuffed in the rear between the pant waist and the undershorts of a middle aged man. Crack reports can be found anywhere, but are most common at race tracks, betting venues, ball games, and other sporting events. Most reports, but not all, contain various residue, leftovers and miscellaneous bacteria that is considered unsanitary by the local health department.
"Charlie! Don't pick up that crack report! You don't know what asshole has been reading that..."
by Dr. Josephus October 23, 2008
Prop. N.- a notorious NY 'drug mafia' established in 1972 by Walker T. Rice. The 'DHS' supplied thousands of elderly New York residents with stolen prescription pills. Unfortunately, many of the gang members own grandparents suffered the physical after-effects of this malicious black market fraud...many of them overdosing and dying in the arms of the very grandchildren who supplied them with the pills.

The pills supplied to the elderly men and women included but were not limited to Zoranthex, Matarol, Xenubalence, and the sleeping pill Tera-X.

In 1983, Walker T. Rice was sentenced to 80 years in prison after his great-grandmother OD'd on Matarol.
"Sheila, we are concerned about your grandma."

"Why, mom?"

"When she came to visit last weekend, did she ask you to give her the white pills in the bathroom cabinet?"

"Yes, mom."

"Damnit, Sheila! What are you, a member of 'Dem Harlem Saints!?"
by Dr. Josephus February 11, 2009
n. a term used to describe a wee-nis tip that is shaped like an arrow. Arrow Heads are triangular in shape, and can cause mild to moderate injury/harm if handled incorrectly.
Janie: "What happened to Julie's lip?"
Rose: "Her new boyfriend has an Arrow Head."
Janie: "Gee, sucks to be her!"
by Dr. Josephus May 03, 2011
n. a long, submarine shaped turd that is crapped out before, during, or immediately after sex....beneath the bed sheet covers.

The undercover sub slinks, slithers, and slides across the sheets until it comes into contact with one's sexual partner...causing a multitude of reactions which may include, but are not limited to: excitement, anger, fear, frustration, confusion, bewilderment, angst, mild and/or severe depression.
Last night after I did it with Janie, I swear I heard her shart. No sooner had I smelled the crap, then an undercover sub appeared out of nowhere...spreading across my leg like a wet, stinky rash. It ruined the new bed sheets!
by Dr. Josephus May 03, 2011
n. a golden sausage wee-nis. Characterized by bronzed, tan glow and sparkly, transparent edges. The cuff-link style wee-nis is found only in the most affluent adult locales.
"Not only does Harold have that sexy smile and a convertible to die for...he has an 8-inch cuff-link!"

"Oh Carol...I'm so proud of my daughter!"
by Dr. Josephus October 23, 2008

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