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3 definitions by David Keddie

 
1.
Denizen of a council housing estate or housing "scheme", hence use of the vernacular, "schemie". Commonly found in the East Coast of Scotland and can be viewed as an appropriate equilevlant to the West Coast "ned". Prone to wearing tasteless branded clothing in excruciatingly bright colours - classically white. Frequently used namebrands inc. Henry Lloyd, Nike, Reebok, Nickelson, Tommi Hilfigger, Adidas and Ralph Lauren. The common schemie will, in most cases, also have a malign addiction to Burberry caps in particular. Said caps are normally placed upon the individuals head at a 45-90 agle allowing breathtaking views of the common schemie`s equally breathtaking lack of respect for conventionally attractive hairstyles. As an alternative to the established norms of appealling hairdos, schemies revel in the daily act of gelling their front fringe into a cement strong array of spikes that descend onto the top of their forehead. Furthermore, chunky and lurid gold jewellry is brazenly displayed at every opportunity in desperate attempt to appeal to the, equally luridly addorned, opposite sex (NB When observing the female schemie you may confirm your sighting as authentic by the prescence of gold hooped rings ranging anywhere from a 3 inch to a 3 foot diameter). It must be duly noted that it is highly likely that all of the clothing or jewellery worn by a shemie is of a counterfeit nature - the dole only stretches so far.
The overly generous UK social security system is the backbone of this curious species and without it they would surely perish.
Finally, the common schemie may be easily identified by his passion for consuming vile cheap liqour such as Buckfast Tonic Wine, Tennets Super T lager or Diamond White high-strength cider and/or numerous varities of illegal narcotics. This behaviour may occur at any time onwards from approxiamtely 8 am and generally ceases upon total intoxication and collapse or arrest by the local constabulary. During such time, schemies will, in general, become even more malevonant tomwards innocent members of the public than normal and it is advisable to avoid contact with them if at all possible. However if interaction is inevitable then it is in your best interests to stand your ground and throw the first punch. This is due to the fact that deep down, all schemies are in fact chickenshit little motherfuckers who will flee from an unafraid opponent and seek out weaker propositions instead (such as OAPs or school children). Beware: The schemie population is expanding at a worrying rate due to a lack of education, contraception, intelligence and a sense of social resposibility. This situation is also further exacerbated by a reliance on social security that encourages their proliferation. Shoot on sight.
Are yous cunts lookin at me? I`ll fucking dae yous wee bastards! Am pure mental so a am.
by David Keddie January 27, 2004
 
2.
Small town of about 1500 residents in middle to north east Fife, Scotland.
The meaning of Auchtermuchty is roughly translated as "Field of Boars" and this refers to the fact that in days gone by it was an area of extensive woodland filled with wild boar and deer that were hunted by royalty. The royalty often frequented the Royal Palace of Falkland which is about 4 miles away.

An interesting point about Auchtermuchty is that its name is virtually unpronouncable to non-scots (Germans being a noted guttural exception) Americans in particular, find it tough to say Auchtermuchty.

Due to this, A Miller advert was once created playing on the name in which the main actor is striding through a beautiful scottish glen. On top of his head is a racoon Davy Crocket hat and as the Yank walks he shouts (in an american accent) "When I told ma friends I was going to Okkertomukety, they said "Where the fox hat"" The joke being of course that he it sounds as if he is saying "Where the fuck`s that?" and of course he has a fox hat on his head too. Genius I`m sure you`ll agree.

Noted celebrities from Auchtermuchty include the legendary accordianist Sir Jimmy Shand and the band The Proclaimers composed of two twin brothers.

You may want to visit Auchtermuchty sometime but it is unlikely as it`s name is by far the most interesting thing about the place. It is a nice enough place but entertainment is somewhat lacking. That`s why I left.

in pronouncing tha place use guttural tones similar to loch. Thus use the "och" sound when pronouncing the "auch" and "much" parts of auchtermuchty. To be honest, its impossible to describe properly, just go there and ask someone how to say it.
You`re from Auchtermuchty? I don`t believe you. There`s no such place. I mean, what kind of a name is Auchtermuchty?
by David Keddie January 27, 2004
 
3.
infrequently used word to accredit someone or something for a piece of great skill
Skillex mate! I can`t believe you managed to walk along that entire rope without falling off!
by David Keddie January 27, 2004