A turd charmer is one of a few highly trained members of a secret turd-charming sect that you can go to in India to deal with those stubborn turds one gets from time to time. When the turd charmer plays, the turd is animated and is summoned by the music of the flute.
It was months since I had last shat...I went to the best doctors money could buy. The doctors ran many tests on me, but finally concluded that current technology was not yet ready to handle my problem. Their analysis determined that my turd had been highly compacted under the immense pressure. It hardened to a degree it was 20x stronger than even carbon nanotubes. A general from Area 51 offered me a billion dollars if i'd let them research my turd, but I declined. Alas, there was nowhere to turd but the turd charmers of India. I was skeptical at first, but I took a place to Sri Lanka and walked through long stretches of desert until I at last came to one of the last remaining turd charmers. He made a deal--He would help me, but in return he got to keep my turd. I was reluctant at first, but i realized it was that or death. I bent over and he played his flute. I felt a rumbling from deep within my bowels, and i was terrified. My turd was animated by his amazing flute skills, it slowly emerged. The turd charmer was in a trance and did not notice the turd angrily staring at him. My turd turned it's direction towards me for a quick glance, then immediately set out into the sunset where it was never seen from or heard from again.