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3 definitions by Crickenholme

 
1.
A small town, just outside the idilic lake district. This town is home to many festivals in which paedophiles, homosexuals, the mentally retarded and 14 year old thugs who just want to get drunk, come together to cause mass destruction and fright to all those in the town. Long haired, bandy legged moshers can be found in the town most noticeably at Lightburn park, The kiosk, various locations around the town center and ford park. It is also home to the finest school in Ulverston, Ulverston Victoria, who recenty failed there ofsted report for being too shit. The town is also home to 21 year old faggots who like to prey upon the hairy-legged, butch school girls of the town.

Ulverston is situated near Barrow-in-furness and Dalton which have high teenage pregnancy rates, large amounts of drugs from the "Liverpool Underground" (I not entirely sure why underground train drivers would want to sell drugs, but hey I'm not God, Michael Barrymore is) and more violence than you could shake a stick at.

There is also rumour that there is an underground tunnel from Ulverston which leads to Oz, I cannot confirm nor deny this.

Recent celebrities spotted in Ulverston include Garry Glitter, Angus Deayton, George Michael and Josef Fritzel.

Christmas is celebrated in March in Ulverston as many of the population of the town are either stupid or morbidly obese.

The town's largest industy is chemical-making with the large "Glaxo" factory on the south coast of the town, pumping out photo-chemical smog and dangerous gases into the town causing low visabilty, lung cancer, gingivitus and scurvy.

Lord Ulverston once said: "All yee who set foot through the fine walls of Ulverston shall be here-by be stabbed and thus thow body shall be thrown from thee bell tower by goats"

Lord Ulverston died shortly after, in 1999, from dementia.
Come to Ulverston and sample some of the fruits of our labour!
by Crickenholme May 21, 2008
 
2.
A man who has a gigantic penis. Probably larger than a small child if not a fully grown adult.

This penis, however, because of its size, is entirely useless.
Peter Pans a boley, shame for the guy.
by Crickenholme May 21, 2008
 
3.
An Island off the coast of Barrow in Furness.

This marshy wasteland is home to various different types of scum, most noticeably the teenage girl, who is often seen around the island giving birth, smoking or drinking White-lightning Cider.

All vegetation is sparse on the island due to the island behind in close proximity to Sellafield, a nuclear power plant. This power-plant has been accused for many of the islanders having 11 toes or extra eye's, although scientist's have proved this has been due to incest.

Another common sight on the island is the Red-cheeked chav. This species of parasite is growing at an alarming rate. They are nocturnal, and are often only seen in parks and bus stops late a night. They feed off cheep booze and Fish and Chips, although a small number of people claim they have seen the Chav's eating KFC Family Buckets. The reason for the red cheeks is understood to be due to exposure to alcohol from a very young age.

The island itself was once part of the USA, but the US Government were sick of the trouble caused and so pushed the island out into the sea. Unfortunately for the people of Cumbria it landed just off their coastline, turning a once beautiful part of the world into something that can only be described as a hell hole.
PLEASE NOTE: Those who step foot on the island of Walney are likely to be attacked or pestered by a Chav or indeed a fat person.
by Crickenholme May 22, 2008