A person who has great trouble SMS messaging. These people typically think texting is either stupid or do not do it enough to be very good at it. An SMS response from a textually impaired person typically takes a long time to receive, even if the message is simply 'yes' or 'no'.
(Sent in a text message) 'You can call me if you're that textually impaired.'
"I only call my parents because they're textually impaired."
Injuring someone while trying to be affectionate. Coined by a man of the same name, who awkwardly tried to be affectionate and ended up beating the crap out of his girlfriend over time. Can be used as past tense, 'pulled a Riley', and present tense, 'pull a Riley'.
Male: *Goes to put arm around a girl, punches her in the face*
Female: Way to pull a Riley.
Male: *Runs and hugs girlfriend, which pushes her back against a wall hard enough to knock the wind out of her*
Spectators: "Did you see that guy pulling a Riley? What an idiot."
Male: *Kisses his girlfriend while she turns her head, effectively headbutting her*
Female: "If you keep pulling a Riley, I'm going to end up beaten up and/or unconscious."