3 definitions by ChocolateReign

Top Definition
A semi-famous, very fat corrupt internet movie reviewer who is nowhere near as famous or powerful as he once was. He still gets to live a dream life of being paid to endorse things, being sent comp DVDs and God knows what else, and being flown around the world to visit sets in order to entice him to review things positively so that nerds may spend money on them. His resume includes such hits as turning a blind eye to a contributor selling bootleg Disney movies (who was later busted), praising a script that was actually written by another contributor, and posting (wrong) Oscar nominees hacked from a home computer. Married an Asian chick 15 years younger than him presumably both blessed and cursed by vision problems and a unique condition enabling her to support two tuns of lust whenever the mood strikes the corpulent Casanova. Also is blessed with outspoken opinions on politics, despite having no idea on how the real world works having lived/living with his dad way past an acceptable age and not having an actual job or a degree.
Studio Exec: So, what do you think about Godzilla?

Harry Knowles: It kinda sucked.

Studio Exec: How would you like a visit to our movie shoot in Maui and for us to throw your boy Moriarty a bone?

Harry Knowles: Did I say sucked? I mean it was like drinking chocolate-coated pussy juice!

Studio Exec: ...right.
by ChocolateReign September 13, 2008
A blatant and shameless famewhore, who preys upon both horny internet dweebs, horny film nerds and horny guys with a knight in shining armor complex. Reads (badly) news regarding movies that will never get made written by people you've never heard of. Defended rabidly by the notoriously dubious AICN gang, home of several famewhores and knight complexes themselves. Setting back serious, intelligent women involved in Hollywood back many, many decades.
JackNanceRevenge: Okay, we need something that will make us famous, as our shitty movies sure ain't getting the job done.

John_T_Chance: I know! Let's get your girlfriend cum secretary to dress up in slutty outfits and read from Variety in a pretentious newscaster voice!

Script Girl: (as soon as someone richer or more powerful notices me I'm ditching these losers) Sounds great, guys! I'll let that fat loser who runs Ain't It Cool know we're coming!
by ChocolateReign September 13, 2008
An old, outdated movie site that has now become an informal forum of talkbackers not yet cognizant of other, better sites and forums. Hasn't had a good exclusive or scoop since before the millennium. Is run by a notoriously shady character whose power in Hollywood has massively diminished over the years. The failed screenwriter Drew "Moriarty" McWeeney has left to join another site that will fail inside of the year.
"Ain't It Cool News is still around? Huh."
by ChocolateReign January 11, 2009

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