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41 definitions by Brucester

A set up whereby someone is led to believe that they have in fact won the Lotto.

The person who's name is Leigh records the Lottery Programme, notes the winning numbers and buys a ticket the following week with these numbers on and gives it to his wife. On Saturday they both sit down as the show starts but it's 'run VT' and she doesn't realise but she is now watching last weeks show. He shares in the 'excitement' as all the numbers come up, the bastard has even included the Bonus Ball - AS WELL. He then lets her phone up Lottery HQ to claim her prize....hey why not? It's ONLY a joke... :-0
"OK Mrs X I will need a few examples of unreasonable behaviour to put before the court"

1. Bogus Lotto
2. Donkey Punches
3. He wears stockings and has a vibrator up his ass most times we have sex.
4. Conducts "Builder's Inspections" at customer's houses.
5. Casts lead weights in the shape of gold bars and paints them accordingly, ages coins with bleach and 'lets me find both while scuba diving on shipwrecks with him.

Thank you Mrs X, that should do nicely.

Leigh......you're one in a million but we all love you!
by brucester September 18, 2006
5 1
Mendip caving slang for cow shit.
As we entered sump five we found that it was thigh deep in cowsh.
by brucester September 16, 2006
4 0
Practically unacknowledged existence of highly porky smelling oil secreted around the anus - avoid showering for a few days to discover this. Can be smeared under the nose of a fellow camping / dormitory occupant as a punishment.

Other 'oils' exist - discover and enjoy......
Lamb oil - found in the pubes,
Cheese oil - found between toes esp. athletes foot
Bacon & onion oil - armpits
Chicken oil - hair!
Prawn oil - earns, esp if infected.
I taught the arsewipe not to snore, I gave him a pork oil moustache.
by brucester September 10, 2006
11 7
Impressively knackered or broken.
1. I'll give it a miss, I'm feeling totally tarahted

2. Well I might as well bin it now, you've completely tarahted it.

3. Have you seen what those chavs have done to the bus stop - it's completely tarahted.
by brucester September 10, 2006
4 0
Used disposable nappy. Once folded into place with the velcrow wings secured it resembles a product from the Ginsters range.
While you're up their would you empty the nappy bin - it's
solid with 'piss pastys'
by brucester September 10, 2006
10 6
Farting whilst receiving a blow job.

Either by accident or on purpose.
Honey...........I was wondering.........when you give me a
BJ...why not blow instead of suck?!?....it might work.

As she blows you RASP one out. "Hey don't blow that hard,
it's not a trumpet.....now I've had a blartkin
by Brucester January 31, 2008
5 2
A person that is homosexual in an environment of straight people.
"How can I put the sensitively Gemma, our friend Gideon, the one you made a move on this morning, well he, em, is a Brown Trout Fisherman" "Oh dear I'm not putting this very well am I....he's a sausage jockey, a marmite driller, a pillow biter"

2 hours later....

".....A Hershey highwayman, a fudge packer"

"OH, you mean he's GAY"

by brucester September 16, 2006
9 6