A band that somehow made the world's best deal with the devil - they can produce what sounds like three cats being strangled in a blender during World War II and somehow convince a legion of slavering fans that it constitutes music. Not only that, but it's somehow worth a five-goddamn-part masturbatory epic about two fucking fantasy characters that Claudio Sanchez probably thought up sometime in third grade and just never let go. Fuck that guy. He looks like a yeti and sings like Robert Plant without the tone, talent, and masculine voice.
Also, evidence that there is no just and loving God.
- Hey, dude, just bought the new Coheed and Cambria album!
- What a coincidence. I am actually a sophisticated killing machine from the future, sent back to kill all trace of this apocalyptically bad music!
*shoots in head*
2. -I was praying the other day, and -
- Coheed and Cambria.
- THOU HAST FORSAKEN ME, O LORD! I RENOUNCE THY NAME!