A piss-poor excuse for a police department that "serves" the town of Orange Coun - er, New Canaan
Connecticut. Due to the absence
of any real crime in New Canaan
, the responsibilities of the glorious NCPD includes pulling over newly
for 5-10mph speeding and bitching at them like
they just committed homicide. It's a real good thing
they stuck it to those hardened criminals by putting unnecessary blemishes on their driving records and skyrocketing their parents' insurance premiums. Go New Canaan
. The flagship officers of the department often secure the more high-risk calls, such as standing around like dumbasses
dances and other events, and then make frequent visits
to the school
parking lot for the rest of the night
where they intercept teenagers
returning to pick up their cars
after having some fun with their friends, question them, and often breathalyze them as they do at the entrance to every school
Even more pitiful than
the police who ride around in their cruisers searching for teenagers
to harass while
they ignore the real threat - braindead trophy wives driving on their cell phones
- are the "Bike
Patrol Corps." Yes, New Canaan
Police have their very own BIKE
SQUAD. Consisting of the cops that were
too much of an embarrassment even on standard traffic duty, the Bike
Patrol cops endure a 2 week training course the police themselves describe as "RIGOROUS" to become bike
cops. Requirements for admission
to the bike
corps include the following...
-The balls to wear short-shorts over your
gelatinous, hairy legs
-The ability to ride a bike
without training wheels
Guy 1:Hey man, did you hear
about New Canaan Police
Guy 2: No, what's up?
Guy 1: He crashed his police
cruiser twice while pursuing teenagers who were on foot, so they
put him on bike duty. As a bike cop, a couple of teenagers switched the brakes on his bike. He was riding towards an old lady when he tried
on his back brake, but because they
had been switched he hit the front brake, flipped over and radioed in "officer down."
Guy 2: No, you're kidding.
Guy 1: I shit
you not. So, now they
've got him on the night shift
as bike patrol. If you want to see him, hang around Elm Street between
midnight and 5am to catch
him on his normal patrol route.
Guy 2: Wow, what a complete and utter
disgrace to real police
officers and departments everywhere.