8 definitions by Brandywine

Those two idiots you know and see often, who always hang out together. One is never seen without the other. Retarded Siamese Twins. Synonymous with and the update of "Tweedledum and Tweedledee".
"Oh great, look out, here come Fric and Frac."
"Yeah man. Disperse! Before they get here and try to hang out with us!"
by Brandywine September 19, 2006
Big Fucking Gun. A POWERFUL munitions device seen mainly in Hollywood action and science-fiction movies, first sighted in possession of Colonial Marines in James Cameron's epic "Aliens" (1986); now seen in almost every dark-themed science-fiction or action film since. Dark, hulking, made of questionable metal alloys that do not exist yet. Fires: plasma, explosives, Big Fucking Bullets, anything it fucking well feels like.

Also seen in various anime films.

A popular user option in "Doom", and used vigorously in the feature film version of the game. Other names: Standard-Issue Big Gun, S.I.B.G., Big-Ass Gun, B.A.G., copwaster. For more details, visit Wikipedia entry "Aliens" (motion picture), and see paragraphs devoted to weapons created for and seen in the film.

Strongly desired by Daily Show host Jon Stewart, who during a "Doom"-related TDS interview with The Rock, claimed that he "got a hard-on" after temporarily gripping a B.F.G.; The Rock verified that Stewart indeed did get an erection after holding the weapon. Such is the power of the B.F.G.. If a B.F.G. can give Jon Stewart a hard-on, you would be wise not fuck with it.
"You get in my face, I will so waste your hillbilly ass with this B.F.G.."

or

Seen used in "Aliens" by Private Vasquez immediately following the line, "LET'S ROCCCCCCK!"
by Brandywine September 19, 2006
Pulling a Colbert, or to pull a Colbert. Related to "pulling a Stewart", q.v.

Taken from The Colbert Report, a pinch-snatch is to pinch one's eyeglass stem and then use the same hand to snatch one's eyeglasses from one's own face while fixing a piercing, somewhat imperious eyeglass-less stare on someone, or upon a handy nearby camera.

Lends instant gravitas to the pinch-snatcher and makes the subject or target feel he is under intense judgment and surveillance. Best when deployed in the midst of an important sentence brimming with gravitas, such as, "There can only be one answer to the problem Republicans present America... PINCH-SNATCH... truthiness." or "You want to know what I think, Jeff? I'll tell you what I think. I think... PINCH-SNATCH... it's Miller Time."

The pinch-snatch is incomplete and impotent without the added accessory of a cleverly arched eyebrow.
"The stalwart, masculine, patriotic and trustworthy news anchor turned facing me filled with gravitas, deployed a pinch-snatch, arched his eyebrow, and reported the bird dropping had indeed been in his sandwich, as I suspected."
by Brandywine September 21, 2006
A baffling mixture of feminine perkiness with smug patriotic newsanchorliness. Possessed by women with high profiles in mainstream media, but usually abandoned for either perkiness or gravitas once the newswoman is experienced enough with both to decide between them. Currently the perkitas ringmaster on television is Daily Show correspondent Samantha Bee, who must be blessed by a rogue star, because she remains the only female fake news reporter on a hit comedy show two women created.

(Yes, two women invented The Daily Show; and at least one, I am proud to say, is an out lesbian. Kind of makes you scratch your head when you see how few comediennes are featured on that program.)

Perkitas wavers uneasily and insecurely between all-American cutesyness (or, for our Canadian readers, all North American cutesyness) acceptable to male watchers, and gravitas, which ought to be gender neuter but is not, as many men find it threatening when possessed by a female news reader.

Defining characteristics: a nice round, solid Midwestern broadcast voice; the same suggestive pauses and stresses on certain words and phrases as found in gravitas, such as "terror", "patriotism", "homeland", and "national security"; but the piercing gaze is occasional, fragmented, cautious and discarded, in favor of alluring sidelong gazes and cute, perky nods used as punctuation marks. Usually the exclamation point.

The true connoisseuse of perkitas has shoulder-length, neatly groomed hair with highlights or in a color that is never dark brunette (dark blonde with a touch of auburn seems the going flavor), very average height, rounded, cute features, an upturned Caucasian nose; and an easily-identifiable-as-feminine name like Samantha, Kelly or Katie. Freckles and an air of wholesomeness are definite pluses.

Most news anchorwomen possess gravitas, but to appeal to male viewers they usually discard it in favor of perkiness. Katie Couric's fame shot through the roof when she decided to adopt perkiness. Elizabeth Vargas at ABC opted to enforce her journalism credentials and chose gravitas, as a man would have done. See where she is today.

Men, by the way, can possess perkiness. See below.

Personalities who possess perkitas:

Mega-Everything Oprah Winfrey
First Lady Laura Bush (we're unsure how to read her, as a result)
Closeted TV host Mario Lopez
Comedy Central star Samantha Bee

Chose perkiness:

To a large degree, Comedy Central star Stephen Colbert
TV supernewswoman Katie Couric
Former gymnast Mary Lou Retton, who may have invented it
Singer Marie Osmond
TV hostess Kelly Ripa
TV host Regis Philbin, the King of Male Perkiness

Experimenting with perkiness:

MSNBC news host Tucker Carlson
Former Daily Show alumnus Mo Rocca

Chose gravitas and were promptly exiled:

Former news anchorwoman Linda Ellerbee
Former news anchorwoman Elizabeth Vargas
NSA Secretary Condoleezza Rice, but Bush connection keeps her on party lists
Madeleine Albright
First Dame of the Media Helen Thomas
Basically every smart woman you know who won't sleep with you
"You can't have both gravitas and perkiness. As a woman, you've got to choose."
"Okay, I choose perkitas."
"All right, Samantha."
by Brandywine September 21, 2006
Juvenile or immature. From the popular children's drinking device 'a sippy cup', made with a covered lid with narrow built-in sipping slot to prevent spillage. Toddlers drink the beverage inside via the narrow slot, and the drink is almost impossible for them to spill because of the cup's design.
"God, look at those girls over there wearing Elmo-t-shirts at the mall. What, are they six or something?"
"Yeah, like that is so sippy cup already."

or

"What was it with rappers all wearing pacifiers and baggy toddler clothes a few years ago?"
"Yeah! Like was that sippy cup, or what?"
by Brandywine September 21, 2006
Smug patriotic newsanchorliness. A hidden, invisible but extremely palpable, perceptible Dark Jedi Power possessed mostly by members of the mainstream media, and poked fun at carefully by Stephen Colbert.

Gravitas is difficult to define, but you know it when you're seeing it. Defining characteristics: deep, orotund Midwestern broadcast voice; suggestive pauses and stresses on certain words and phrases, such as "terror", "patriotism", "homeland", and "national security"; a piercing gaze from a somewhat lowered head facing camera; a sidelong gaze that says, "America, you can trust me, you should trust me, and if you don't you're probably a liberal sympathizer to terrorists"; neatly cut dark hair, above-average height, and a rugged masculine jaw; and a name like Stone Phillips.
Deceased Canadian ABC World News Tonight anchor Peter Jennings is the only known post-Walter Cronkite mainstream media news personality who used gravitas for ethical purposes. His level of gravitas was the highest since that of Cronkite. No living anchor yet has surpassed it.

Some news anchorwomen possess gravitas, such as Linda Ellerbee, but they are often assumed lesbian or shrill and do not last long, despite their credentials and professionalism. American news anchorwomen are often offered perkiness as its substitute, and eagerly take it. Samantha Bee does not know this, being Canadian, and continues to promote a weird hybrid of the two, perkitas, on The Daily Show instead.

Personalities who possess "accidental gravitas":

Former First Lady Hillary Clinton
Former Secretary of State Colin Powell
Former mayor Jerry Springer
U.S. District Attorney and Investigator Patrick Fitzgerald
ABC TV host Tom Bergeron

Gravitas developing rapidly:

Comedy Central star Stephen Colbert
Ascending TV superhostess Meredith Vieira

Personalities with weak or undeveloped gravitas:

Former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger
Comedy Central star Jon Stewart
Comedy Central star Rob Corddry

Those who eerily possess none:

MSNBC news host Tucker Carlson
Perky TV hostess Kelly Ripa
Former Daily Show alumnus Mo Rocca
"Last night, Stone Phillips and Stephen Colbert locked jousting lances in yet another gravitas tournament. As usual, Stephen lost; because Stone Phillips is the Dark Sith Master of gravitas, and none yet can defeat him."
by Brandywine September 21, 2006
Generation X. People born between 1962 and 1975, for whom the original "Sesame Street" children's television program was invented. If during your childhood, the original version of "Sesame Street" was in its original run (i.e., not re-runs), and if you were of the correct age for it to be relevant to you, and to learn from it, you are a member of Generation X. If you were in childhood when "Sesame Street" was being re-run on PBS, or watched it on VHS or DVD, you are Generation Y. Despite his surprised claim to the contrary, pretending to not know what it means, Daily Show host Jon Stewart is a Generation X'er, as is his former senior correspondent, Stephen Colbert.

Claims that Generation Y and not Generation X gets "most of its news from" The Daily Show and The Colbert Report are not true. Generation Y prefers to get its news via online and text sources. Generation X, famously scornful of everything and distrustful of anything, is Daily Show's primary audience and shares its cynicism.

Similarly, if you can remember seeing Idi Amin Dada actually alive on television and are not over the age of fifty, you are a Generation X'er. If he was deposed and dead by the time you first heard about him, you are Generation Y. For those unsure, Idi Amin Dada was the 1970's version of Osama bin Laden and was reviled and feared in the media exactly as frequently as bin Laden is today. The difference between the two is, Dada was never an ally of the Bush Administration and was an actual threat to democracy somewhere (actually, Uganda).

Thirdly and finally, if you were around to see the premiere episode of "Saturday Night Live" in 1975 on NBC, and if you remember Jim Henson's muppets making frequent appearances on the show, and you are not over the age of fifty, you are indeed a Generation X'er.

This condition similarly applies to remembering the "Sesame Street" era when Oscar The Grouch was orange in color and Grover was brown.

If you remember these moments, you are a Generation X'er. Bert and Ernie, by the way, are not having sex with each other, and it was never suggested by Henson and Oz that they were. Contrary to popular opinion, men can actually live together and share a friendship as roommates. Gay men can also - "gasp" - be platonic friends. To assert that Ernie and Bert are not platonic is actually kind of an attack on male friendship... which DOES exist. Ernie and Bert were based on "The Odd Couple", a Neil Simon-penned play that became a hit television sensation similar in popularity during the late Sixties to "Sex and The City" during the aughties. Henson and Oz intended no gay innuendo in the characters, and today's preoccupation with the sexual activities of two children's show mascots is a sad commentary on the world we X'ers have to live in.

Viva X.
"I hate the term 'Generation X'. I prefer to be called 'The Sesame Street generation'. It's less trendy."
by Brandywine September 21, 2006

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