Most people are not particulary good at anything. George Carlin

If acting was hard for me, I wouldn't do it, it is something that I like to do.

If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.

When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.

Heart disease has changed my eating habits, but I still cook bacon for the smell.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of church and state. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

March 1997 We use up words like "spiritual" so fast in this culture. Twenty years ago "spiritual" had a distinct meaning. But now there's a lot of jack-off thinkers who just love to talk about the spiritual. And there is a lot of bogus -- is "bogosity" a word? It should be -- a lot of bogosity in these spiritual seekers. So you have to find another way to express it. I just call it "how I fit.

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where th...

Adj: -Brittany Spears is a greasy twat.

v. -I got greasy last night and shoved my cock into Brittany Spears brown-eye.

"I got some stripper stank on me last night when I was at the Pussy Hut. Smell my shirt! Can you see the glitter?"