First, you get into a dentist chair. Then you strap yourself in. Your significant other/random hookup comes from behind and pours mountain dew over your chest. Once it is dry and sticky from the dew, your lover licks off your chest till its no longer sticky, but whats the point? It'll be sticky again anyway.
Once your chest is cleaned off, your lover gives you a lap dance and clucks like a chicken. Then you repeat John 3:16 till you are "enlightened"
This is how priests get 'taken care of' at a brothel.
"And for today's sermon, I will discuss the merits of Grishma - anyone have mountain dew?"