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5 definitions by BabySealClubSamich

 
1.
This delightful treat is bi-coastal... it involves being clubbed in the leg by a tri-nippled midget hooker after she discovers that you are paying for some 'intimate time' with Canadian money. After said clubbing, you hop into the nearest cab all the while the short-legged beast is chasing you yelling Gypsy curses.
Ex: Jeff's leg will heal but the pictures of him doing the Portland Hopscotch are priceless.
by babysealclubsamich August 28, 2007
31 10
 
2.
The Tiger Eye is a variation of the wrinkled penny or ballon knot... what makes the Tiger Eye destinctive is the hairy covering of the anus.
Anthony showed his Tiger Eye when his board shorts fell to his ankles during a recent run. "Anthony, your hole is so hairy it looks like a Tiger's Eye"
by BabySealClubSamich November 08, 2007
18 2
 
3.
County of origin: Sac and Fox

When attacking a lady friend from behind she mentions that you might be the smallest thing she’s had since junior high. You then proceed to give her a wicked awesome YPSILANTI Uppercut which is performed whilst yelling ‘YPSILANTI’ at the top of your lungs.

It differs from the donkey punch because you catch the chin as apposed to catching the base of the skull. Different style concussion, a different style of Stall0wnage.

Teh kicker: You probably are the smallest thing she’s had since junior high, but who’s on top and who’s on bottom now!

Thirdly: You can leave the room with out the awkward look of shame that most women have given you over the years
When Wanda insulted my manhood, I gave her a swift YPSILANTI Uppercut, drank her Crystal Light and left her on the bathroom floor to think about what she had done wrong.
by BabySealClubSamich November 08, 2007
31 16
 
4.
Whilst a strapping young male is plowing away from behind at tiring verge of the lady of the house, the young male notices an unfortunate patch of unsightly hair growing on the northern rim of the balloon knot. Without diverting any noticable attention from his rear attacking duties, our young hero decides to pluck said hair why at the same time buring his shovel to an uncomfortable depth... thus creating the perfect divertion to achieve the much needed backyard gardening.

Teh kicker: this manuever is so versitile that it can be accomplished with hotwax, tweezers, or old-fashion fingers.

And thirdly: what woman isn;t thankful that you not only found the hidden hair but disposed of it. It good, honest fun.
Margo wants me to strap on my Backyard Gardner hat, because my first attempt left a hairy cheerio above her tiger Eye.
by BabySealClubSamich November 08, 2007
17 4
 
5.
Of course Manitoba is essentially the French Dakota. And everyone knows that the Dakotas are home to some of the most sexually depraved humans this side of Bixby. Armed with that as background information, the Manitoba Monkey Wrench is the utensil that is found in every man’s tackle box, toolbox and utility belt. It is the very tool that can keep you alive on those subarctic nights in the local pub.

Now might be a good time for an illustrative story. Once there was a logger that frequented the long and lonesome roads between Winnipeg and Dauphin. While he has no doubt dipped his quill into the ink of every truck stop, rest stop and out-house prostitute on those roads, he does have taste. He knows that if a bawdy-house floozy has a large knot on the side of her head from contact with a swiftly exerted monkey wrench to the cranium of a Canuck slut, she is a price catch. This mandible indention is a bade of honor among the native hootch peddlers. He would not only pay her for her wares but also throw in a hearty salmon biscuit sammich with round bacon. They might also ice-skate on the frozen lakes (weather permitting) and rarely, but occasionally he might give her a handshake and a heart-felt “good job”.

Back to the definition… The Manitoba Monkey Wrench is to the Maple Leaf Madam as a hickey from Kenickie is to Rizzo. It’s not only something to cherish but to be worn with pride.

The Kicker: As with everything, sometimes the giver of the Manitoba Monkey Wrench can go overboard and hit the harlot too hard, those rendering her oral sexual skills as a thing of the past. Once this happens, the harlot becomes a short-order cook and invariably becomes a victim of Meth use.

Thirdly: If you’re lucky enough to encounter a lady of the night that is not only skilled in the arts of crushing her own pride but also knows how what the difference between a neutral-zone trap and a one-man fore check then by all means brand the woman as a madam worthy of Manitoba’s highest honor.
When Pierre saw Delorise turn around with a mouth full of Round Bacon, he could see the mark of the Manitoba Monkey Wrench and knew that this woman was worth more than an expired Trojan, she was worth a sporty stint of ice skating and some wool socks. For he had heard about the Manitoban mark of beauty but had never gazed upon its call with his natural eyes.
by BabySealClubSamich November 08, 2007
18 15