An endless and eternal pit devoid of all pleasure and goodness; the nerve center of all imaginable horrors; a putrid, oozing curse upon the world; that which makes us envy the dead; a gigantic, hulking nightmare factory; the ghost of lost freedom that forever haunts your soul; the mindkiller; a smoothie of broken glass, maggots, and metal filings; a mountain of reeking shit.
"I'm sorry, I can't go out tonight. I have to study for Contracts."
A crucial lawyering skill best taught at high altitudes, in the foggy mountains of East Asia, by an unremittingly cruel and forbidding sensei. The pupil should be forced to subsist only on a diet of insects and tree bark, must punch out memos until his or her fingers bleed, and must learn to live without sleep -- permanently. Whenever the pupil makes a mistake, he or she must be severely beaten with a Bluebook to the point of unconsciousness.
The training will culminate in a series of near-impossible tests, which may or may not involve the following: fighting rabid panda bears; swimming across a mighty river while carrying a boulder; interviewing pretend clients; retrieving a precious jewel from each of the 94 Federal judicial districts; dueling a demon to the death; and solving ancient riddles.
"Do NOT mess with that guy. He learned Legal Research and Writing from the legendary Chu-Han. I am so not even joking."