An internet virus.
A very little man, probably the spawn of J. Edgar Hoover with Cromwellian tendencies of stamping out opposing views on internet forums and chat rooms and rewarding sycophants. He's long given up the stakeout, the binoculars and the wire taps in favor of online activities behind the scenes. The more banal the website topic or thread, the crueler his tactics and iron fist becomes. His past is riddled with rejection, inability to hold a job or maintain friendships. And this arena, or "forum" is precisely the drug he needs to fulfill his illusions of grandeur and the taste of power over others.
Avoid him at all costs and find "real" humans to talk to, not avatars on a computer screen.
Guy#1: "I got booted out of that history forum today!"
Guy#2: "Really, why?"
Guy#1: "That moderator got po'd when I corrected him and told him Dumas was French mulatto and not 100% white. He said he'd banish me to internet Siberia if I attempted to challenge him again."
Guy#2: "Wow, that's just plain wrong!"
A yearly fashion show with lots of red carpets, boring films and self-congratulatory people. Starts earlier and ends later with every passing year. It's basically the film industry equivalent of The Electoral College. If that doesn't tip you off, nothing will.
Guy 1: "Dude, whatcha doin' on Oscar night?
Guy 2: "I'm gonna write down my Netflix movie selections for the year."
Guy 1: "That's totally rad, dude. Me too.
(N.)1. Ability to recall correct answers while blanking out when pressed for elaboration and explanation. 2. Such an affliction, common primarily among Ivy League students at foreign universities and stateside.
Prof. Du Bois(at La Sorbonne): "Ah, yes, Moose, Aaron Burr is the correct answer. But can you tell me which political post he held in U.S. political history?
Moose: "Duh, political post? Uh, uh...uh, how'm I supposed to know that??!!
Prof. Du Bois: Tell me, Moose, do you suffer from Jeoparditis?
The bottom rung of UPS delivery options. Basically, it's delivery within 2 to 8 business days, not counting Saturday(which is usually an extra grand). This is what really happens: your package arrives on the 2nd or 3rd day to a location 3 to 4 miles away from you and just sits around (GROUNDED) till it's delivery on the 8th or 9th day. You hear a loud thud on your porch, then the doorbell rings and when you open the door you see a dented package and a brown truck peeling out.
Guy#1: Has your UPS Ground Service package arrived yet?
Guy#2: Nope, I'll be collecting social security or six feet under before that thing arrives.
Guy#1: Yeah, next time use USPS Priority. It'll get there ahead of schedule and in one piece.
Guy#2: Thanks, dude. I'll remember that.