Jesus Christ was born from the Virgin Mary. When he was a young boy, he was contacted by God and notified that he was the Son of God. In order to impress his father, he strived to have a book written about him. He was kind, generous, polite, and courteous to everyone he met, but this just wasn't good enough to inspire a biography. So one day, Jesus was baking bread to feed some local villagers who had no food. While Jesus was turned away from his oven, God zapped the bread, instantly turning it into enough bacon to feed Jesus' entire village. Until that day, bacon was a food that was only available in Heaven. However, mortals did not know of the existence of bacon, as many would have committed suicide in an attempt to get it. When Jesus took the bacon out of his oven, the smell instantly attracted anyone within a 10-mile radius. Jesus' house was almost instantly crowded with people, including, to his good fortune, some authors. The authors, immediately after tasting the bacon, said that they would write a whole book about him, and that one day he would be revered as the messiah of an entire religion. He didn't believe them at the time, but his skepticism was later adjourned. Everyone who tasted the bacon that was not an author became one of Jesus' followers, now known as Christians. Don't believe the farmer's lies....This is how bacon came to earth.
Hard Working Husband: What are you cooking woman?
Submissive Wife: Just some bacon Your Lordship
Hard Working Husband: JESUS CHRIST! BACON! THAT STUFF IS GODLY!!!